Before You Change Anything: What Do You Really Need?

We live in a world that loves solutions.

Do this.

Buy that.

Start again on Monday.

Fix it. Push harder. Try more.

And when change doesn’t stick, we quietly assume the problem is us.

Lack of motivation.

Lack of discipline.

Lack of willpower.

But what if that isn’t true?

What if the problem isn’t that you’re failing at change —

but that you’re being asked to change without enough support?

The exhaustion nobody talks about

Most people don’t resist change because they don’t want it.

They resist it because they’re already tired.

Tired of starting again.

Tired of holding it all together.

Tired of pretending they’re fine while something underneath feels unresolved.

Food, scrolling, overworking, procrastination, busyness — these aren’t moral failings.

They’re coping mechanisms.

They’re often the only comfort available when support feels thin or missing altogether.

We skip the most important question

Before plans.

Before goals.

Before programmes, tools, or fixes.

There’s one question we rarely ask:

What do I actually need right now?

Not what should I do.

Not what works for other people.

Not what I’m “supposed” to want.

But what would genuinely support me — as a human — at this stage of my life?

Because change that isn’t supported rarely lasts.

And change that ignores the nervous system, identity, and emotional landscape often backfires.

The missing middle

We talk a lot about before and after.

Before:

“Here’s the problem. Here’s the plan.”

After:

“Now maintain it. Be consistent. Don’t slip.”

But the most fragile part of change is the middle.

The in-between phase where:

old coping mechanisms are being loosened

new habits aren’t yet stable

identity feels uncertain

emotions surface

This is where people don’t need pressure.

They need steadiness.

They need reassurance.

They need containment.

Without that, even the best solutions can feel unsafe.

Motivation isn’t the issue

Most people don’t need more motivation.

They need to feel safe enough to change.

Safe enough to:

slow down

question patterns

sit with discomfort

let go of what once protected them

When the body feels threatened, it will cling to what it knows — even if it’s harmful in the long run.

That’s not weakness.

That’s survival.

A gentler reframe

So before you change anything —

before you set another goal or commit to another fix — pause.

Ask yourself:

What am I asking of myself right now?

What support is actually missing?

What would make this feel less harsh and more humane?

Because lasting change doesn’t come from forcing yourself forward.

It comes from being supported through the change.

An invitation

You don’t need to overhaul your life today.

You don’t need to have all the answers.

You just need to start with the right question.

What do I really need?

That question alone can change everything.